Learning to Leap

I'm starting to think that kids could truly, honestly take over the political scene. Let's think about this for a moment. Kids are naturally motivational speakers, full of charisma and charm, able to persuade large crowds of people to do what they want. They get results, though sometimes we as the public turn a blind eye to their methods. Trust me, you'd rather not know the types of coercion they have at their disposal. If one child figures this out, we're done for. They will be united and rise up to take over the world in less time than it takes to warm up a pop-tart (which is 13 seconds, I know). Don't believe me? I have two words for you: SILLY BANDS. For those of you not familiar with the term, let me enlighten you. These colorful little bands have transformed the lives of children (and parents) everywhere. Kids are picking up their toys, eating all their vegetables, and even going to bed on time without complaint all for the promise of these magic pi...

The Annual Crying Day...it's not what you think My eyes scan the area quickly for signs of lurking employees. It's as if I can FEEL their anxious eyes boring into me, just waiting for what they see as imminent disaster. And I can hardly blame them. After all, even a supermom cannot prevent EVERY disaster, and I have voluntarily placed myself in a situation that will require all my skills, all my training. Here we are. The moment my kids have chattered about and I have prepared for since the last time we were here. The one place where time actually does stand still, only it's more like Matrix and I am moving in slow motion, beads of sweat forming on my brow as I move towards the imminent catastrophe. The annual choosing of a Christmas ornament at Hobby Lobby. I guide my excited daughters to the ornament area, which really should have a "KEEP OUT" sign for mothers and children. Happily for them, however, it is still legal for me to take my butter fingered kids...

Dog Treats?! $2.99 I have never paid $2.99 more happily than I did this morning. I wouldn't paid twice that, three times that, actually. My 4-yr-old has an ear infection, and that means we are giving her 2 tsp. of amoxicillin twice a day for the next TEN days. If you could see what the medicine-giving experience is like, you all would've brought me cash right then, knowing that I had exactly 18 more times to put myself and Lauren thru the nightmare of taking medicine. For just $2.99, you can get your child's (or your) medicine flavored. Strawberry, bubble gum, grape, banana, whatever sounds good to you. This morning I found myself standing in line at Walgreens for the precious flavor magic after having suffered through three doses with Lauren without the benefit of it. You would think I was forcing her to drink toxic substances (or my cooking) when it comes time for medicine. After coaxing, teasing, pleading, standing on my head, disciplining, bribing, crying, and da...

Kid-free traveling and other sure fire ways to feel guilty... This is it. I am on a plane. ALONE. I have read nearly 130 pages of my novel that is pure drivel designed to give my weary mind a break. I have sat comfortably in my window seat for nearly two hours without having to sing a song, make up a story, or play I Spy. I have not have to dig thru my purse for a magic way to entertain my children with nothing more than a safety pin and expired gift cards in my wallet. I have not had to give apologetic murmurs to the passengers around me because of the alternating crying and shrieking with delight emerging from my row. I am traveling as an independent, quietly content grown woman, perfectly able to sit still and mind my own business. Everything is perfect. Everything, of course, except the small, nagging voice of mother guilt. There are lots of things about motherhood that are totally wonderful, totally amazing. But the thing is, with this wonderful job you give up your ...

Getting Dressed Is Hard to Do At our house, there are a few things that are givens. I can count on these things just as confidently as I can count on the change of seasons. The first given is that my children will have quite different reactions to the change of season wardrobe. My middle daughter will be on cloud nine, for this is an event she has waited for since the day after all her pants, long sleeved shirts, and jackets were packed away last year. There is something about clothing in a storage bin tucked away that makes them much more desirable than the appropriate season clothing folded neatly in your dresser drawers. She will dance and sing, twirling around as she holds her “new ” clothes against her with glee. She will try on every item and declare it beautiful, and I will sigh with relief that some items still actually fit. The next given is that my oldest child will be quite appalled at the thought of parting with her summer clothes. You must understand this is th...

The Great Pumpkin I have a theory about the world of gambling. I think it originated in the mind of some young child observing his peers at a pumpkin patch. A couple weeks ago Lauren and I accompanied Olivia on her class field trip to a nearby pumpkin patch. We were thrilled by the intrigue of the corn maze, cuddled with the oh so clean barn animals, and even listened to the story of how a pumpkin seed becomes a pumpkin. But then, at long last, came the much anticipated moment, the hayride leading to the pumpkin patch. That magic land of orange, that field that holds the promise of the best, most jack-o-lantern worthy pumpkin ever seen. I could almost picture the casino lights and music as I helped my children climb up into the hay-filled tractor trailer. The kindergarteners all watch with wide eyes as the pumpkin patch draws ever closer. They wring their hands nervously and tap their fingers on their knees, as if signaling the dealer that they want another card. Will ...

Vacation. Relaxation. Rest. Serenity. Those are the words my mind instantly conjures up when I hear my husband suggest I should tag along on his business trip to the beach with him for five days. I picture a sunny coast, comfy chair with a big umbrella, a “brain candy” kind of book, and sleep. Wonderful, uninterrupted sleep. And then, as it always does, reality sets in and new words come to my mind. Temper tantrums. Multiple bathroom stops. Crying. And then I stop thinking just about myself and wonder what my kids might be like. Vacation is something that, exactly like my previously flat tummy and skinny jeans, disappears into the mist at the moment your first child is born. Unless you are so fortunate as to have willing grandparents, you must f ace reality that your children will be accompanying you on any trips for at least the next 20 years. That being said, vacation with your kids can be a wonderful experience. Filled with laughter and fun, the memories you will...