Surround Sound

The other day a friend and her kids were over to play.  

Her youngest, a beautiful and very happy little two-year-old girl, has some hearing loss.

In order to help, her mother wears this very cool little "FM transmitter" thingy around her neck, which is connected to her daughter's adorable pink hearing aids.  Whenever my friend speaks, it's as if she's right there with her daughter even if they're not in the same room.  It's pretty amazing, actually.

Of course, this can prove to be messy when my friend forgets to turn it off and MAY say some things a two-year-old really should not hear when her daughter is not in the room.  

That's a pretty funny story, actually, but I'll save it for another time (and maybe get permission before telling it since I'd prefer to keep her as my friend).

This got me thinking.

I have an entrepreneurial business idea for mothers of young children.  

"Mama Surround Sound"

I am sure many of you have experienced the frustration of having to say the SAME things to your little darlings over and over again.  And I mean verbatim.  So many times you start to wonder if your vocal chords actually make sounds when you speak and you go someplace like a cave to talk just to make sure you can hear an echo.  

Well, you can forget those days with this little baby installed in your home.  

Kids not getting along in the other room?  Hearing some insults and plain old meanness going on between siblings?  

Simply press play on your universal remote you keep in your pocket at all times and wallah, you are suddenly speaking to your children in a pre-recorded message thru mounted speakers throughout your home for just such an occasion.  

But what if it starts up again?

Just select part 2 of that same pre-recorded message.

This time it uses your more "firm" tone and mentions the pre-determined consequences.

And what about a sensor when the kids walk in the door that automatically plays your message which says, 

"Please place your shoes in the basket.  Thank you."  

I would personally opt for the added feature of a force field preventing them from leaving the mudroom until their shoes are put away, but that would cost you extra.  

And for the more delicate moments such as when your kids suddenly feel the need to bang on the door and interrupt your grown up time with your spouse (ahem), you could have speakers installed right outside your bedroom door and play a message in your most soothing voice that "Mommy and Daddy need to talk and to please go get some ice cream or cookies out of the pantry while you wait".

(Hey, who are you kidding?  You know you've done it, too.  Whatever it takes sometimes, right?)  

Hungry pet looking at you pitifully because the people in your home who just simply could not live without a pet cannot seem to remember he needs regular sustenance in order to survive?  

Select the message that reminds them that if they do not feed the dog (or cat or ferret or whatever) in a timely manner, you will sell him and use the money to buy more vegetables for them to eat.  

Regular little conversations regarding such things as flushing toilets, not screaming in the car, not fighting, practicing basic hygiene and table manners, and even reminders about how unfortunate it is when mom finds soaking wet bathing suits cast aside on the hardwood floors could all be virtually eliminated!  With the simple use of a remote and some speakers, you could be everywhere at once in your home AND not have to spend your day sounding like an Alzheimer's patient because you repeat yourself so often!  

There are a whole host of pre-recorded messages moms could make and have ready for the inevitable moments they are needed.  Imagine the brain power and emotional energy we would save!  It's like going green!  

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.

Why the heck must the democrats be the only ones to make use of this slogan?  

Grab it, Mothers everywhere, and save the world!

(or the peace and tranquility in your home, whichever)