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Showing posts from July, 2013

The Runner

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It's amazing, really!
Lightning speed unparalleled by any grown up in history. 
For real. Somebody please tell me how she does it. Her and the rest of the miniature people around three years old.
I assume (strictly based upon the existence of leashes for children) that I cannot be the only mother who has experience with a "runner". 
A runner is a child who has a seeming supernatural ability to be in one spot one moment, and in the very next microsecond, be NOWHERE remotely close to that spot. I'm convinced that _____, author of the Harry Potter series, came up with her idea of apparating by observing a young child such as I've described. Apparating, in her books, is when the students of Hogwarts had to learn to disappear from one spot and transport themselves to someplace completely different in a split second. Who knew this wasn't strictly fictional?
Although their giftedness does seem to diminish with age, apparating children are nothing to underestimate. 

The Blame Game

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It's all their fault. 
It's almost as if they are purposefully scheming ways to make us gain weight.
Yes, yes, our children are technically responsible for the 25 pounds (ahem) we put on during pregnancy. But we can't really blame them for that part, I suppose. I mean, it's not like they're actually forcing us to eat Krispy Kreme donuts and ice cream. They are confined within our wombs, for heaven's sake! There is nothing they can do to force us to guzzle down milkshakes. 
But we still blame them.
So okay, I can concede that our kids often get a bad rap when being blamed for anything over the doctor recommended weight gain during pregnancy, and most of the time it's probably not their fault.
But man, oh man, once they're out and among us in the world, that's where their innocence screeches to a halt. 
Those of you in the throes of motherhood with anyone under the age of eight will understand. You want to eat well. Really, you do.  You look longingl…