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Showing posts from September, 2009

Motherbrain and Other Embarrassing Disorders

I recently had to make a visit to my eye doctor. I have the eyes of a 103-year-old in a 29-year-old (ok, ok, 31-year-old) body. The technicians literally gasp when they first see my prescription and I get the feeling they dread the “which is better, one or two?” game just as much as I do because I answer “blurry is blurry” for so many times they have to quit to take a smoke break.
But this is not my point. Because this was my first time to this particular office, I had to fill out the 1000-page medical and insurance forms before I could be seen. No problem, I thought, I won’t have the girls with me and will quickly and easily fill out any forms and answer any questions necessary. I am a college educated adult, after all.
Name, Sharon Webber. Male or female? Female. So far, so good, I think.
I breeze through the form asking for my address, maiden name, and medical history. No one asks me to take them to the bathroom. No one colors on my shoes with a sharpie. No one even lay…

Vocab. for Supermoms

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Vocabulary and I go way back. With a minor in literature and all the reading and writing assignments that came along with that, I have done my fair share of studying word meanings. But as a supermom, I have found that all my college training is basically crap. My new professors are my three daughters, and some days they are lenient and patient as they teach me new definitions, sometimes they are slave drivers giggling with glee as their mother fails miserably to get their drift. Below are a few of the terms I have learned as a supermom...
*back massage - when I lie down on the floor and let the girls take turns walking on my back *steam treatment - putting my face over a steaming pot of boiling potatoes during dinner prep *willpower - saying no after allowing my children to eat just 4 popsicles...each *adult conversat…

Adventures in Eating Out

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I'm telling you...feeding my family is a result of the Fall. I've already explained how cooking (and the grocery shopping necessary) is caused by sin in the world. Today I'd like to explore this line of thinking and how it plays out in the world of restaurants.
At my house, we have an understanding on Sunday mornings. I, Mommy, am supposed to go to church to worship Jesus. After dressing three children (two of whom argue with me about wardrobe choice and one who spits up on at least two outfits), enduring the hair brushing scene (which we may explore in a later blog), directing breakfast, and getting myself ready (why, yes, it WAS another ponytail kind of morning), I am already struggling mightily to have a heart ready to worship. If you add in being responsible for an edible meal when we return from church, Satan just won the battle that morning. Look out, here comes Mama on the rampage.
That being said, our only other option is to venture into the world of food ind…

A Rodent Problem

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Let's talk rodents. Actually, I have just one specific rodent in mind, a Mr. Chuck E. Cheeses. Just the mention of his name brings on chills and immediate dread in the hearts of parents. This rodent laughs in the face of Terminex, Cooks, even the less than legal methods some of us have been guilty of using in order to get rid of unwanted pests.
Lauren received a birthday invitation this week for a little girl in her class (and so far the only things I've heard about this child is that she cut a hole in her shirt with scissors and also that she scratched another child's face...so I'm already jumping at the chance to buy her a present). But alright, I suppose we could fit that into our Saturday. And then I see it. The location. And like a slow motion movie in my head, I'm already picturing the scene that will become my Saturday afternoon.
I will step into the purple and green themed party place known as Chuck E. Cheeses, have my hand stamped with a coordinatin…

Exercise with Kids and Other Myths

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Sanctification is defined as the process by which God makes you more like Him.
I propose that there are few activities in my life which sanctify me more than taking my 4-yr-old on a walk/bike ride in our neighborhood. For proof, I've added two pictures. This is the pre-walk picture....all smiles and enthusiasm, ready to have an adventure.
I do realize that life is about the journey, not the destination, and that's a good thing, because this if I were trying for any respectable distance it would end in disaster. But come on, I do like to try for more than two blocks. Block one is pure joy. Lauren spots a cat in a garage and stops to collect pine cones for her bike basket. Though she is slow ing my pace considerably, we are having fun and I am even halfway entertaining the notion that I just might get a very small cardiovascular workout.
One and a half blocks in it begins to rain. No big deal, everyone's still happy. Leighanne's looking around and trying to figur…

Grocery Shopping and Other Acts of Bravery

I am convinced that cooking is a product of the Fall of Man. Just think about it for a minute. I have to feed my family and the only way to do that is to spend an hour the night before making my menu and list, load up my troops, and try to act cheerful as I pull into the parking lot of one of the scariest places on earth to a mother of young children, the grocery store.
I build up my resolve that we WILL be in and out in an hour's time as I gather my things, and take a deep breath as we enter the land of flourescent lit hell.
After searching for the "right" buggy (my kids will only ride in the two-seater kind that I'm sure have resulted in multiple customer injuries because they are impossible to steer...I'm still nursing a bruised ankle from the last trip) and strapping the kids in, we are finally ready to get started. Everyone wants to be part of the action and excitement of choosing fruits and veggies from the produce section, so each child is given a pla…