Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Please Just Kill A Tree

I know this statement sounds harsh. Like I hate the environment. Like I am a political activist.

Nope. I'm just a Mom.

But speaking of harsh sounds, I would like to talk about the new hand dryers at Target and Costco.


As you know, when you have small children, you visit public restrooms quite frequently. In fact, sometimes we go places just so I can get the youngest of my crew (who's pretty much bored with our bathrooms at home) to agree to make use of the restroom with no complaint. You should see the things we have to resort to in order to convince her to utilize our bathrooms at home (and yes, I DO clean them once in a while, so that's not it). She just doesn't like it and she's over the bribery thing.

Anyway, back to the hand dryers.

I have witnessed placid, calm babies suddenly break into fits of crying and seen the shocked, fearful looks on their faces. I mean, really, they are just not prepared for the decibel level on those stupid things.

There they are, happily searching out random germs or sitting contentedly in their strollers (because who wouldn't love to spend their leisure time strapped into a stroller in a public bathroom?), and when someone activates those darn hand dryers, all heck breaks loose. Suddenly young babies are screaming and mothers are rushing them out of the torture chamber.

I would personally rather kill a few trees than kill a few eardrums.

My girls are especially drawn to the hand dryers. They love the fact that they can drown out my voice and give me big grins.


I have a child who is so enamored with the hand dryers that she willingly and excitedly washes her hands at each and every sink. She makes her way down the line, fully enjoying the whole experience as we wait.


This is fine, I suppose, except that:
1. I have not been saving for the hearing aids we'll have to purchase, and
2. By the time the fourth or fifth sink comes around, her older sister has grown weary of waiting. She has a great idea. If the hand dryer works this well on hands, just think how fast it would dry hair! She grabs her ponytail and stuffs it into the dryer. Now this is entertainment.


Sometimes I think I should plan her birthday party here and just make sure I have headsets for all the guests. It's that much fun to her.

Same story at Costco. She makes her way down all the sinks, washing and rinsing and drying. We are quite accustomed to coming out of the restrooms to find Daddy waiting for us, slumped over in exhaustion because it's been THAT long since we left.

And my favorite? When we finally finish the washing and drying hands ritual, we emerge from the restrooms to find THIS:


We could've saved so much time, because of course they now want to use the hand sanitizer as well.


Ah, well, we may be slow, but our hands are CLEAN (and our hearing is a little worse for the wear).


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