Thursday, December 22, 2011

For Cryin' Out Loud, People





Some of us are not helping our image, ladies.

*WARNING...before you read the following blog and get all huffy with me because I sound too critical and judgmental, please know that I am including myself in this intervention. I, too, have been guilty of everything I'm about to address (well, except the Christmas pants in public). AND...if you disagree with me and continue in your ways, please still be my friend. I can be a real jerk sometimes. And my final disclaimer: I know we all have weak moments and bad days. Boy, do I know that. However, those days hopefully should be only once in a while (so if you see me in public looking like a fashion nightmare, please just assume this is one of those days). Okay, there...onward and upward, right? Oh, Oh, and one more very important one...all the pictures in this blog are just from the internet and were NOT taken by me, ok?*

As stay-at-home moms, we are very often portrayed quite negatively. You know the stereotype. Moms who stay home are the women who wear clothes that were only marginally fashionable TWO decades ago, sadly have pants that barely reach our ankles, sport the "I have no time for my hair" haircut, and demonstrate a complete lack of comprehension of the business world out there.

We're doing our best to combat this image. Really, we are.

But seriously, moms, we've got to work together. Let's agree on a couple basics that we should pretty much take a solemn oath as sisters to NEVER forsake.

The other day I dropped my youngest off at her preschool for my three hours of sanity that week. I passed no less than THREE SAHMs (stay-at-home moms, all you corporate readers) sporting the oh-so-agregious full bodied leisure suit.
THIS is what some of us think we look like in our leisure suits. I am so sorry to say, it just ain't so (at least for me).

Now, before you get offended and think I'm too judgmental, you need to understand that I, too, am a recovering jogging suit wearer. I loved me some black sweats and black hoodie.

So you can understand the withdrawal and grief I experienced when I finally realized that...

they look terrible on us, sisters. They are not doing our figures any favors. And trust me, this old mom figure sure doesn't need anything else working against it instead of for it.

A friend commented the other day that her daughter was telling her about a huge painting she'd seen at someone's house. "Mom! It was like 10 times the size of your butt!"

Apparently children have abandoned the metric system in favor of the simpler and more exact method of measuring according to how many mom butts something is.

Let's not make this easy for them, ladies. I beg you.

And then...THEN...I was at Starbucks with some dear friends discussing life and the craziness of the season and how many times we've told our kids to tell our husbands what we'd like for Christmas when...

in walked two grown women in pajamas. And not just any pajamas. Christmas themed flannel pants.
***and again, don't get mad at me...this is a random picture I downloaded from the internet of another woman committing the same crime. I did NOT take a picture of the Starbucks ladies***

This is bad enough, but when you add in the unfortunate truth that these moms were slightly misinformed about the size they needed, it did them even less favors. Those reindeer and snowflakes and elves were stretched to maximum capacity across the mom hindquarters. I think I saw a child measuring in comparison to the height of the bookshelves against the wall.

Let's see, how many mom butts would it take to equal the height of that top shelf? 6? No, no, probably 7 1/2. We'll round up and say 8.


(Paula Claunch, this italics thing is totally stolen from your brilliant mind and blog...I love it and will pay you in free advertising to my three readers. Readers, you absolutely MUST read this blog. It's hilarious! http://akajanerandom.blogspot.com/ ).

We have to help each other, moms. A good general rule of thumb is if you could be sick with the flu and be comfortable wearing it, it's probably not your best choice for in public. DON'T make it easy for kids to measure things according to the size of your rear end. The last thing any of us want to hear is for our child to tell us that "the door is only ONE mom butt wide".


Starbucks! It has a drive-thru option, people! For cryin' out loud!

2 comments:

AKA Jane Random said...

Sharon...TOGAS! It's really the only way to go. You know Moms aren't the only ones who wear bad jeans - Men do too! I would never try the flannel track suit but I know plenty of people who do. It would NOT be a good look on me.

Mommy Mayhem said...

are you mad that I copied your italics tactic?

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